It has been 124 days since the last time I was raped.
I had seen this man before, and he had already disrespected my boundaries. I was adamant about using a condom during sex and he was adamantly opposed. So much so, he removed the condom during sex and proceeded to insert himself inside me without protection. I let it slide, and was resolved that the next time I would be firm. When the next time came, he was upset with me and argued that we had done it before. I repeatedly told him no. By the time he moved his penis towards me again and said “let me just tease it,” I just wanted him to shut up. I didn’t expect him to try to enter me again without protection. I blocked him on everything before he had even taken a step out of my apartment, cried all night, and explained away in my head what he had done. It took me time before I recognized my experience for what it was.
Even then, I never made a report to the police, because I knew that in the judicial process I would be the one to lose. Even while working at a group “dedicated to… seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of our society,” I had already seen how people and systems supposedly brought in to ensure justice and accountability were instead used to cover up for the organization.